PSW Bonus Material #2
When my dear cousin, Alan, heard of my recent publication, Planet-Sized Whores, he couldn't have been less interested.
However, upon hearing of my plans to record my début album 'Maudlyn Sings' - an eclectic combination of opera, pop, rap and country - he immediately pulled out his organ and began to play. He composed this transparently manipulative piece, in hope that I'll consider him when selecting accompanying artists, musicians and song writers for the as-yet unfinished masterpiece.
http://soundcloud.com/alan-briggsby/more-shit-from-your-planet
Never one to criticise a friend or relative, even in light of grasping or opportunistic behaviour, I have decided to offer his work to my many fans and critics for their delectation.
While I'm not prepared to say it's shit, the opinions of others are always welcome.
Bonus Material for PSW #1
is the PSW poem 'Chapel' translated by my good friend 'Google'. I have huge following in Japan, whom I need to accommodate. The poem is about a hooker who is trying to find some love beads under the brothel carpet, but collapses as they're uncovered.
I would have hired a professional translator but, let's face it, Japanese isn't so much a real language as a series of child-like squiggles on paper. I honestly doubt that anyone in Japan even pretends to understand it - or takes it seriously.
Next week, I shall be uploading the Hebrew version so that all my good friends at the Synagogue can enjoy this beautiful poem. I prefer it in Hebrew - now there's a language!
Chapel
モーリーンの心は括約筋なく、ペニスのようになってい
他人の布団に残った。
アナーキストで常にピッキング、彼女はとてもぼんやりだ
クライアントは補償を要求されていること。
"彼女は、死神のマリファナたばこを吸うので、このようにしている"
私はブライアンに言う。 "彼女はキリスト教の兄弟に聞いたはずです。
それは明らかにチャペルのドア上の状態
バーバラから食べ物、飲み物や薬を受け付けておりません。'
私は愛ビーズの文字列を探すために役立つように彼女に頼む
しかし、彼女は曲がり、虚弱生えています。
彼女のビジョンぼかし。揺れ、彼女はビーズを引っ張る
カーペットの下から、唯一のベッドの上で崩壊する。
何もスワッピングパーティーを台無しにしない
救急の流入が好きです。
それは誰かと詩を書くしようとするようなものだ
あなたの後部を突き出す。
書き込むあなたが考えることができる唯一のものである
あなたは私をクソを停止してくださいますか？
More Shit from your Planet-Sized Arse
Don't you just love it when you look down at your Facebook page and realise that you actually have "friends". I certainly do, especially when I'm trying to sell something.
What's that Sandra? Your mother has just died? Congratulations! Now you can use a portion of that substantial inheritance to purchase my new book - Planet-Sized Whores. Don't cry dear, we all know that you're secretly happy that the old bitch has popped it.
Yes, my internally beautiful comrades - that time has come! My long-awaited retaliation collection has now been released.
Sadly, due to legal fees, I'm no longer in a position to hold a launch. I'm sure someone will be though, once they've sold their mother's jewellery.
Do let me know of the time and venue.
